Every day I consider myself a work in progress. The ups and downs of my life over the past four years have proven that to me over and over again. Sometimes it is hard to see if I am moving forward or standing still in the same place I’ve always been.
One thing I do know is that I am not where I have been. I am not in those first days post “fallout”. I am not afraid to walk out of my house any more for fear that God will strike me dead. Just because I am not in that place anymore doesn’t mean I don’t remember how it felt.
Ray and I are being contacted by fallen men and women at an alarming rate. Every day there are new email messages from people who have been or are still in an adulterous relationship with their pastor or another leader/member in their church. Why are they emailing us? Because these people have realized the weight of their sin and they are desperate for someone to talk to.
Some have been discovered and are slowly plummeting out of control. They turn to the world-wide web in the hopes of finding something or someone that might help them. Most of them are convinced that they have fallen not only from their church but from the grace of God. Some of them have been suffering a crisis of belief for a long time that led them to sin in the first place.
Sadly Ray and I know what that kind of desperation is like. When you have committed a sin that is ugly and awful and you feel like the worst person ever to walk the planet you are sure there is no one out there to talk to. And even if there were someone out there to talk to you are sure they would turn heel and run once you told them what you had done. It’s a hopeless feeling. It’s sad and it’s lonely.
I felt that way once and I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way either. That is why I am here. I will listen to anyone who needs someone to talk to. Ray will as well. That is our ministry.
Recently I have talked with two women in particular with whom I have come to know well and I have enjoyed walking with them. The one thing I have told them both is that we are all just broken people. We have all come from different walks of life and we have all sinned. I can’t judge them for their sin any more than they can judge me for mine.
There is nothing I want more than to heal their hurts and to take away all the sin and the pain they are suffering. God doesn’t give us the ability to do that but He can. My job is to hold these women’s hands and to walk with them on this journey. To remind them that no matter how badly they have sinned they can never sin themselves out of God’s heart. He loves each and every one of us.
I am often overwhelmed when a woman I am lending an ear to tells me how wonderful I am or what a great soul I must possess. I don’t see myself that way at all. The women that I listen to and talk with are just as much a ministry to me as I am to them. God uses these women to teach me. I learn more and more about myself and about God each time I email, text or talk with a women who reaches out to me.
If I could thank them publicly for all they have helped me to learn I would but in the interest of trust I will keep it to myself. If you are reading this “C” or “R” please know I love your guts! And thank you, God for leading these ladies to me.